The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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