Kiss
Puke
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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