I faked an abortion last night.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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