Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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