I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Houston, we have a blender
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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