Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
