Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?