I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
this must be what syphilis tastes like
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.