He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.