I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight