Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant

  (360): View more from Washington

  At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats

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  (206): She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant (360): At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats http://tfl.nu/21vb
  Replies (5) Good night (622) Bad night (2182)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I just found out I have a small penis.

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?

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  (617): I just found out I have a small penis. (781): Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend? http://tfl.nu/6gqe
  Replies (23) Good night (579) Bad night (5375)
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  new low.... made out with someone while peeing

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  (908): new low.... made out with someone while peeing http://tfl.nu/2bcc
  Replies (12) Good night (1141) Bad night (4094)
• Favorite

  (573): View more from Missouri

  I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.

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  (573): I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze. http://tfl.nu/2uw1
  Replies (17) Good night (3488) Bad night (945)
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.

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  (602): The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser. http://tfl.nu/x3yh
  Replies (8) Good night (3880) Bad night (1029)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.

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  (703): no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing. http://tfl.nu/bnv5
  Replies (33) Good night (5446) Bad night (1195)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian

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  (503): Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian http://tfl.nu/9eu3
  Replies (30) Good night (6771) Bad night (2751)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.

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  (315): I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism. http://tfl.nu/5nmw
  Replies (8) Good night (3559) Bad night (941)
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel

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  (201): I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel http://tfl.nu/tjoe
  Replies (8) Good night (2728) Bad night (851)
• Favorite

  (269): View more from Michigan

  Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.

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  (269): Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair. http://tfl.nu/xxq4
  Replies (0) Good night (575) Bad night (236)
• Favorite

  (307): View more from Wyoming

  I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.

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  (307): I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink. http://tfl.nu/yj2y
  Replies (0) Good night (524) Bad night (243)
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.

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  (304): I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome. http://tfl.nu/rvlh
  Replies (4) Good night (582) Bad night (202)
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.

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  (416): Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused. http://tfl.nu/e1qy
  Replies (2) Good night (654) Bad night (185)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.

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  (847): Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction. http://tfl.nu/r2mw
  Replies (2) Good night (396) Bad night (205)
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.

  (778): View more from British Columbia

  Why so serious bruh

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  (604): In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address. (778): Why so serious bruh http://tfl.nu/48qn
  Replies (1) Good night (209) Bad night (382)

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