Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I need moral support for this bender
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Two words: nipple clamps
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