i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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