I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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