Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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