There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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