Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party