the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
