Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
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I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
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With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
the liver wants what the liver wants
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.