You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major