that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
These 21 People Came Up With Hilarious Excuses For Their Hickies
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.