Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Just pee around me
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms