i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Randomize
