you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
