You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
