she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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