I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
