dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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