i was born a porn star she said
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
