you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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