there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
50% drunk capacity currently
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
