I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
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Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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