i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
