You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
