i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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