the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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