he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
