your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
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So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
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and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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