Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
