you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
