He asked me if I "almost moaned"
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
