This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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