all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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