I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
