had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
