Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Green mimosas i think yes
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
