I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
smell my finger.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
