I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
