Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
You are the jesus of drinking
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
