we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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