I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
