is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
