dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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