Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
