Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
