i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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