We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
