I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
