2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
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