im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
