So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
