I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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