Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
