hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
