Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
