Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
