Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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