you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
