Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize