just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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