Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
