Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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