I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
