just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
