R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
